The Silent Ones: Engaging, Managing and Communicating with Employees Who Are Introverts

March 3, 2020 Employee Performance and Coaching

11 Tips for Managing Quiet Employees

As the old saying goes, sometimes it’s like pulling teeth. You have an employee who hardly speaks – barely utters a word – and you never quite feel like you’re connected. You know the one I’m talking about.

Managing quiet employees can be extremely difficult if not flat out frustrating. These employees often prefer distant forms of communication, such as instant messenger or email. They may be quiet because they’re just shy. And sometimes it’s a language barrier that discourages an employee from speaking up. Every manager has a situation like this.

Even though soft-spoken employees are part of every team’s roster and are good employees like everyone else, we as managers still need them to communicate. So how do we engage our quiet workers and get them to be participants? We’ll explore why this is such a problem and provide 11 tips and examples for managing introverts. Let’s begin.

Why Is Managing Introverts So Hard?

First, let’s understand the problem. The manager-employee relationship centers around a natural feedback loop. It starts when the manager assigns the employee a certain task. The employee then asks clarifying questions, to which the manager responds. From there, the employee goes off to do the work and reports back later.

When employees are introverts, though, there is often a break somewhere in this feedback loop. The employee may not ask questions; he or she may not seek clarification; and, they may not even tell you if there’s a problem until you check on progress later. Thus, as managers, we sometimes feel like we’re left hanging. The lack of communication from our quiet employees can be unsettling and therefore makes it harder for us to supervise our team as a whole. Fortunately, though, there are several methods you can adopt for managing your less-communicative employees.

The Example: The Quietest Employee I’ve Ever Supervised

To illustrate the points that follow, I’ll reference a former employee of mine, Charlie, who was as quiet as they come. Charlie was one of the most difficult employees I ever managed, not because he was a poor performer or because he wasn’t capable of the job – in fact, Charlie was one of my best staff members. It simply came down to the fact that he was so quiet, you’d almost never know he was there.

I had never managed someone quite like Charlie up to that point. His general lack of verbal communication made it extremely challenging for me to manage workload, track dates and provide status to others. He’d never speak during meetings or team discussions unless he was forced to. Even one on one, it was hard to get him to voice any ideas or opinions. Like many managers in this situation I questioned my own abilities:

Does the employee not understand?
Do I intimidate the employee?
Is the employee engaged in this work?
Is the employee about to quit?
Does the employee even want to work here?
Does the employee just not like me?

These are all very natural reactions to this situation.

Despite the self-doubts I had about whether I was messing up somehow, I eventually realized that it wasn’t me… it was Charlie, and I needed to adapt my approach to connect with him. Using Charlie as an example, here are our tips on managing and engaging the quiet members of our staff.

11 Management Strategies for Supervising Quiet Employees

1. Don’t Try To…

…Force them to be someone they’re not.

A common mistake managers make when supervising an introvert is to try to convert the employee into someone they are not; to attempt to change them. Now, many managers will say “It’s their job to be part of the organization, that’s the expectation. Why should I change?” The answer is simple: forcing this kind of employee to be someone they are not will only draw further away from the light.

Of course, I did push Charlie – to share some of his work with the team, to mentor a junior employee, and to take on special tasks that required he engage others. But this was done to help others appreciate his skills and approach so they could use him as a resource in the future if they needed assistance. Trying to turn him into a vocal leader never a realistic outcome.

2. Accept Them for Who They Are

Since we won’t them to be someone they’re not, when managing introverts we must next acknowledge that it’s just who they are. And, there’s nothing wrong with it! The sooner you come to grips with this, the sooner you can adapt your approach to become a better leader.

When I first met Charlie, his quiet demeanor was readily evident. As time went by, that didn’t change. I eventually came to the realization that Charlie was simply a really quiet person. He liked his job; and, he was very intelligent, hard-working, and highly capable. But he was never one to start up a conversation. Ultimately, I came to three realizations that, looking back, apply to every quiet employee I’ve since managed:

Being an introvert is ok, as long as it’s not hurting the organization.
Introverts have their talent, too.
They want to be helpful and contribute, in their own way.

3. Find Common Ground

A lot can be accomplished by getting your quiet employees to open up even a little. And, finding common ground is often the best way to start a conversation.

Upon first introductions, I came to learn that Charlie and I had attended the same university. I later learned that he and I also grew up near one another on the other side of the country.

These otherwise unimportant details were enough to help me start up natural conversations with Charlie – and to find ways to get him to speak to me. Whether we spoke about college sports or some of our favorite restaurants back where we grew up, having something to talk about helped me get through to him. A jovial remark about our college town was also my “in” to then get Charlie to engage on work-related matters.

4. Go Out of Your Way to Draw Them Into the Conversation

Unlike introverts, outgoing employees typically dominate meetings and other team discussions. This inevitably drowns out the quiet ones who will remain there unless you do something about it.

As a manager, I want my employees to be engaged, feel like they’re part of a team, and to contribute. Managing someone like Charlie makes all three of these things hard to do. He was a good worker and someone who could get a lot done, but I needed him involved.

Knowing Charlie’s personality, I made it a point to go out of my way to draw him into the conversation. While the ‘talkers’ typically dominated every meeting and every discussion I would stop the conversation from time to time, look at Charlie and ask for his thoughts. It was an effective way of telling him your opinion matters.

Here were some of the question I would pose to Charlie, which brought him into the conversation with the rest of the team:

What is your opinion of the situation?
What did you do in this case on the last project you worked on?
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
What other options do you see here?
Are we missing something here?

5. Communicate In a Way They Prefer

Soft-spoken and reserved workers have a different communication style. Because they don’t tend to speak up, they usually prefer other forms of communication. Use this as your general approach in day- to-day matters.

Charlie was never one to pick up a phone and “talk things out” with the person at the other end. I experimented by encouraging him to do this and it failed time and time again.

However, Charlie would write detailed emails outlining the points he needed to make to seek feedback. Even on days when I’d stop by with a quick question, rather than walking over to my office 20 feet away to follow up he’d send me an email reply. I began using email for general communication with Charlie since he responded well to that and could always be counted on to follow up in this format.

6. Give The Employee a Confidence Boost

Something I’ve noticed leading teams over the years is that my quiet workers often lacked confidence – for whatever reason. And, over the years I learned that by giving them a pep talk and praising their skills and strengths that it gave them a little bit of a boost. This, in turn, led to more participation and engagement.

During a One on One meeting, I explained to Charlie the value I thought he brought to the team and the strengths he possessed. Based on his immediate response, I’m quite certain that none of his prior supervisors had ever given him that input or feedback. Over time, as I reiterated a message of encouragement, Charlie began to showcase those talents even if quietly. He performed even better and slowly began to participate more when it was on a topic he knew really well.

7. Give Them Advanced Notice Before Asking…

Another common trait I’ve observed among quiet and introvertive employees is the fact that they are often deep thinkers. They need to think about a question or a problem before they feel they can adequately respond. Some people are good thinking on their feet, others not so much.

Hence, when you ask questions and put them on the spot, they may not give a clear answer right then as they need to process the request. It’s also for this reason that they tend to sit back in meetings. They’re likely listening to everything that’s being said but are thinking through the discussion in their own minds and at their own pace.

Charlie was a classic example of this. When I’d ask a simple question like when he’d have something done, he’d usually respond with “Maybe Thursday? I’m not sure, let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” I learned that that I needed to give him a heads up on things and should avoid putting him on the spot for an answer. Instead, I’d follow up later for the answer after giving him time to think about it.

8. When Things are Really Important, Communicate Privately

A private environment, like the confines of your office, is always a safe place for people to speak more openly than they will in the middle of the cubicle farm. When you need to really talk to your quiet employees, give them an environment that will allow them to speak more comfortably. Trying to force an important discussion with him or her amidst a crowd will rarely be productive.

When it came to Charlie and needing to have an important discussion – on his workload, key status updates from him, or outlining a schedule of tasks for a customer – I would speak to him privately. While other employees were more willing and able to provide feedback during team discussions, Charlie needed it to just be us for him to speak up and talk things through.

9. Give Them the Constructive Feedback Even If It’s Obvious

Generally speaking, quiet workers are aware that they are introverts. Still, it’s important to give them a gentle nudge from time to time. Giving these staffers formal feedback that they’re, well… quiet, is important. While you don’t want to make it the focus of an entire conversation, confronting the fact that they’re soft-spoken does force them to acknowledge that they need to make an effort to participate. It is also an opportunity for your to emphasize an expectation that they speak up more routinely even though it’s not their comfort zone. If you don’t confront it from a performance perspective, they’ll never have reason or motivation to change.

RELATED: The Art of Giving Feedback

When it came to my first performance review of Charlie, I remember thinking: “How do I talk to him? He never really replies.” In the review, though, I took a few moments talk to him about his introvertive nature. I told him that he was very bright and that I could see had a lot to offer the team if he would just participate more. I also told him that going forward, I expected him to participate more because the team valued his opinion and his ideas.

However, I also told him that I was obligated (as his manager) to tell him that if he wanted to advance upward in his career, he needed to be a more present participant. The organization expected senior staffers to collaborate and lead junior members of the workforce. Charlie’s desire to advance would require him to come out of his shell enough to meet those expectations.

10. Find Their Hidden Talents

Every employee has their hidden talent. Your role as a manager is to identify those talents and to harness them to best serve the organization. So, while a quiet employee may not be the best choice to make a keynote speech at a marketing conference, he or she will have some other skills that you can use.

In Charlie’s case, he was extremely detail-orientated. While I was always more aligned to ‘the big picture,’ Charlie was able to navigate the details with precision. Knowing this about him, when I needed a complex problem to be solved that required an accurate result, Charlie was the guy.

11. Don’t Let Them Get Lost in the Crowd

Managing a team of diverse personalities is hard enough as it is. It’s even more challenging when you have quiet employees who are difficult to communicate with – it’s easy for them to get lost during the busy daily grind. You need to go out of your way to make them feel like they’re part of the team, to feel like their contributions matter, and to make it clear you know who they are.

As continued encouragement and a confidence boost, I publicly recognized Charlie for his contribution during staff meetings when warranted. This was something I’d do with all my employees, of course, but recognizing Charlie publicly was a deliberate way of having his peers also recognize him. He was an excellent employee, but the only way many of his peers would know this is if I gave him a shout out in front of the whole team.

Managing Your Silent Employees

In my experience, every manager will have at least one Charlie in on their team. It’s normal and it’s to be expected. Managing introverts requires extra effort on your part, but it’s entirely doable if you know how to communicate with them and how to coach them.

In the four years I worked with Charlie, he made some major strides in becoming a more present member of my staff. While he certainly remained reserved and preferred to listen than to speak, he eventually grew more confident in himself and participated more regularly than he had ever before. Just like your talkers, your silent employees have hidden talents and skills that contribute to your team’s success if you’re willing to find them.