8 Things That Scared Me As a New Boss and What I Have Learned Since

March 6, 2019 Employee Performance and Coaching, Interviews, Hiring, and Layoffs

Overcoming the Common Fears Of Being a New Manager

Early in my career, like many fresh graduates with great aspirations, I was eager to see where my professional life would take me. It was not long before I realized that I was likely on a path towards management. I was good with people, I didn’t mind speaking up, and colleagues seemed to come to me for advice on a regular basis. However, back in those days I had some really bad bosses myself and I assumed their abrasive style – which was very different than my own – was a necessary trait of a successful manager. As a result, I avoided stepping over to the “dark side” of management for quite some time. In fact, seeing how my own managers operated introduced several concerns and fears which I had to overcome before I was willing to supervise other people.

Twenty years later, I now mentor and coach many first-time managers. It is interesting to hear the questions they ask and the things that worry them – many of which I also had when I was promoted to my first supervisory position. Let’s put minds at ease, shall we?

Here are 8 things I feared when I first became a new manager, and what I tell first-time leaders now.

1. You Need to Be a Jerk In Order to Be a Good Boss

As mentioned at the outset, I had some really bad managers when I first entered the workforce. Paul was about as non-specific with his instructions as you could be. He rarely gave praise even when I busted my tail beyond the call of duty. When I finally mustered up the courage to ask for my first raise after two years, he replied “Oh, I forgot we didn’t give you a raise last year.” He was the Operations Manager.

Alison was always angry. I don’t think I ever heard her say a nice thing to anyone. People feared going to talk to her because she had a way of making your feel completely incompetent. And yet, she was the department head.

Then, there was Danny, who repeatedly asked for unrealistic commitments and would put unnecessary pressure on his employees to work overtime to give the appearance that his team was ultra-efficient. He was the Program Manager.

These were the first three people I worked for in my career and the models of what I thought it took to be a manager. I just assumed to advance my career, I needed to be like them. The problem was that their personalities were very different than my own, and that was a concern for me. Somehow, I survived those first years of working for perhaps the worst supervisors on the planet.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

You absolutely do not need to be a jerk to be a good boss. Do you need to hold people accountable? Yes. Do you need to be firm from time to time? Absolutely. Do you need to push your team to get results? Without question. But you do not need to be a jerk. In fact, a compassionate leader will almost always outperform the mean boss any day. Why? Because the positive and constructive way in which compassionate leaders operate puts the employee and the team before him or herself. And in doing so, these leaders motivate their workers to be at their best – something that Paul, Alison and Danny were never able to do.

2. Managing Metrics

Next, let’s discuss accountability. I’m almost embarrassed to admit now that during the early years of my career I didn’t understand what metrics did or why they existed. Nor did I understand why people cared so much about them.

Maybe it was my inner rebel that believed that managing metrics would make me another gear in a corporate machine. Or perhaps I just lacked confidence in my own abilities and feared that my numbers would look abysmal.

Regardless of why I was afraid to become another manager chasing decimal points and percentages, when supervisory gigs and leadership opportunities started drifting my way, the idea of managing to metrics was something that troubled me.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

My view of metrics has swung far in the other direction. Those early concerns about tracking metrics was only the result of my lack of understanding and appreciation of what they were for. It wasn’t until I heard the phrase ‘if you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it’ that things really clicked for me.

Metrics exist to help managers and business leaders monitor important aspects of their organization’s performance. Granted, it’s absolutely critical to be selective in the data you track – make sure it’s really important. But, when you do it correctly, the data collected provides valuable insight into what’s working and what is not. And, good managers know that the results they achieve should never be up to chance, but rather the result of strategic and calculated moves on their part. Just plan well, and you’ll be fine.

3. Giving Performance Feedback

The idea of having to give feedback to employees was another thing that scared me as a first-time boss. I was not worried about structuring a one-on-one or being able to pinpoint an employee’s areas for growth and learning. Rather, I was concerned that I would be bad at mentoring my team and delivering constructive criticism.

Indeed, my first performance review was a mild disaster. I prepared a great deal, but I certainly made mistakes – I was bad at eye contact, I rambled a bit, and making constructive comments just felt weird. Fortunately, the employee was someone I had known for years, and he was kind enough to give me honest feedback on my novice performance review skills.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

It is true that giving feedback to employees is not always easy. Every manager would prefer to shower employees with praise and finish by saying ‘keep it up!’ but that’s just not reality.

Fortunately, there is a natural supervisor-to-employee relationship that exists, which makes performance feedback an understood component of that relationship. In fact, since that first performance review in which I said the word “Um” far too much, I can tell you that most of your employees actually welcome feedback and coaching, because they know it’s intended to help them grow. Here are some quick tips for giving feedback:

Giving feedback should include both positive and constructive comments.
Give feedback often, to reinforce behaviors. Don’t just wait until it’s time for the annual review.
Schedule sufficient time for formal performance reviews. Never short-change an employee.
Make eye contact. They’re people, too.
Ask questions; don’t do all the talking
Say what needs to be said. They’ll never learn if they don’t know.

4. Managing People Older Than Me

I started getting nudged down the management path when I was in my early twenties. Most of the teams I was ‘encouraged’ to consider leading were comprised of staff who were older than me – a lot older than me. Some of these potential employees actually had kids older than me.

Despite my own credentials, I simply struggled to see how I could effectively manage people with so many more years of experience than me. Would I really be able to make the tough decisions? How would I be able to mentor or be an effective supervisor to someone twice my age? Why would they even listen to me?

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

As time went by, I began to realize that age really has nothing to do with it. Every manager will inevitably have employees more senior in age. Further, the best managers I have seen – young or old – share one thing in common: they are great leaders. While they certainly have enough experience to be able to handle the challenges of the position, people respect them for their intellect, their willingness to make difficult decisions, and their ability to offer counsel and feedback. Whether or not they’re the tribal elder as proven by their Driver’s License is irrelevant.

5. Not Being the Expert

Before I became a boss myself, the managers I had all seemed like the experts – they knew a lot more than me, at least. So, I naturally assumed that to be a good manager, you needed to be the expert.

But as years went by it, I learned that these individuals were not necessarily the experts. Instead, they asked good questions because they had enough experience to know which questions needed to be asked. They challenged the team and they knew how to make people think. And, they could evaluate risks through just a short conversation.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

To be a great manager, you do not need to be the subject matter expert. For a team full of people with Master’s degrees, for instance, the manager doesn’t need to have a Ph.D.

While knowledge is certainly needed, the role of the team leader is not to be the smartest one in the room. Rather, it is to have the discipline to ask challenging questions of the subject matter experts and to enable those experts to be at their best. In fact, sometimes it’s better not to be the expert; being in a position of uncertainty typically forces one to ask some obvious questions that may have been overlooked.

6. The Extra Hours

I always used to assume that managers worked around the clock. Crazy hours. They arrived early, and left late. I know I’m not alone in this, because when I encourage people to take promotions or management roles, a large percentage of people immediately ask, “How are the hours?”

Full disclosure: yes, many managers and business leaders do work a few more hours than their employees over the course of a week. Much of this has to do with the fact that they simply have more responsibility and are called on throughout the workday for any number of things. Thus, the only time some managers get to do their own tasks is early in the morning, or later after everyone’s gone home.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

Managing a team can certainly be stressful and of course require extra hours. However, the same holds true for just about any job out there. So, it’s important to recognize that managing people is unlikely to be a straight 9 to 5 job (although it certainly can be in some organizations).

But there are three points on this that I will offer. First, the management realm offers a lot of unique experiences that can be very fulfilling. Travel opportunities, getting to negotiate big business deals, and being able to work on special projects because of their leadership roles are just some examples. Generally speaking, these types of opportunities are not going to go to people who are not in decision-making roles.

Second, and more importantly, managing a team can be very rewarding. Being able to see employees you developed move up the organization is extremely enjoyable. So is witnessing the strategies and plans you set in place come to fruition.

Third, while the hours can be tough from time to time, part of the job is also knowing when to delegate and lean on the organization you supervise. Many managers who work the long hours are often not the best delegators or are unwilling to let go of their own duties at times when they really should. Or, they haven’t pushed hard enough to obtain the appropriate amount of resources to make the workload manageable.

7. Stage Fright

While some folks love it, getting up in front of people has never been source of enjoyment for me. Like many other people, there’s just something about standing in front of a room full of blank faces that I find intimidating. Hence, I wanted to avoid big presentations as much as I could. As a manager, though, you often find yourself getting up in front of groups of people – your team, executives, your client’s executives.

As my career evolved, the need to make large presentations in front of a lot of people became inevitable. But it wasn’t until I was well into my management career when I confided my dislike for public speaking in one of my trusted staff that I was given an excellent piece of advice. “When you get up in front of people, always remember that everyone looking back at you wants you to succeed” he said.

The thought had never crossed my mind in those terms, but my employee’s advice was quite simple. Whether at a conference or seminar, everyone is hoping to learn and is interested in what the speaker has to say.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

My employee’s remark has stuck with me since that day; it was great advice. While the desire to get up in front of thousands of people still is not in my DNA, recognizing the notion that people are general interested in what a speaker has to say and look forward to their words has been an effective way to calm my own nerves before a public presentation.

Worst case, there are countless public speaking courses you can take to help you with your on-stage presence. I’ve taken part in one, in fact, and found the experience extremely helpful. Public speaking often comes with management roles, but let’s face it: it’s just about communication.

8. Firing Someone

If there was one single fear I had about becoming a manager of other people that stood above the rest, it was the fear of having to terminate an employee.

Admittedly, before I began managing people, I didn’t understand the complexities of running a business, nor some of the difficult business decisions that often led to downsizing. Still, for many reasons, the potential of having to let someone go was not an experience I really wanted. I’m not sure anyone does.

And yet, after only a couple of years being a manager, I found myself letting go an employee for the first time. Uncomfortable as it was, I survived, and so did he.

What I Tell First Time Managers Now:

First off, terminating an employee is never an enjoyable experience. Whether you are firing someone for a blatant policy violation, or you are going through a downsizing event and need to select who to layoff, terminations are usually tough. But, they do need to happen from time to time, often as a last resort to manage costs.

While people’s lives are affected, as are professional relationships, it’s critical that you recognize the business and organizational reasons for downsizing and terminations. It’s a part of the job that is sometimes unavoidable. Rest assured, no responsible organization takes terminations lightly.

That said, with the bad comes the good. As unpleasant as they can be, staff reductions also offer a chance for managers to part ways with under-performing workers and difficult employees. Big picture, letting go some of the weaker parts of your team only helps strengthen the organization afterwards.

Overcoming the Common Fears of New Managers

It all comes down to this: no amount of training or education can prepare you for every management scenario you will encounter before you manage your first team. Much of your own development as a manager or business leader will come at the hand of your personal experience.

More than likely you’ll make some mistakes, but that’s’ how we learn. Find a mentor, or someone from whom you can seek out advice, and you’ll be in good shape. Ultimately, if you’re good to your employees, willing to learn, willing to be humble and transparent, there’s really nothing to be afraid of.